


Only Skin Deep

by archaeologist_d



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Affectionate Insults, Alternate Canon, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bottom Arthur Pendragon, Boys In Love, Canon Universe, Depression, During Canon, First Kiss, First Time, Love, M/M, Misunderstandings, Pining, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Loathing, Slow Burn, Talking During Sex, beauty is a burden
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-03
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:00:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28077354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/archaeologist_d/pseuds/archaeologist_d
Summary: Merlin doesn’t think he’s very handsome. Actually, he thinks he’s pretty ugly when it is all said and done, scrawny, weak, big-eared. When King Lot comes to visit and brings a gorgeous manservant with him, Merlin can’t help comparing himself to Ethelbert. And Arthur isn’t any help.
Relationships: Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Comments: 44
Kudos: 312
Collections: Merlin Holidays 2020





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [YouKeepMeRight](https://archiveofourown.org/users/YouKeepMeRight/gifts).



> **Author's Notes:** many thanks to my ever-patient beta, gywllion, for whipping this into shape. She’s a star! But keep in mind, all mistakes are mine!  
> And thanks so much to the Merlin Holidays mods who made this fest very smooth and enjoyable!  
>  **YouKeepMeRight** \- There were so many great prompts that I had a hard time choosing one, but this one was closest to my heart, so I hope you enjoy what I’ve written.  
>  **Prompt:** Canon era. A king who's visiting Camelot has a gorgeous manservant. Merlin keeps comparing himself to this guy. Insecure!Merlin, Arthur helps Merlin to see how stunning he actually is.  
> 

For once, Merlin didn’t have to be there, shivering in the cold courtyard while Arthur whinged on and on about how happy he was that there was another pretentious king gracing Camelot with his royal backside. Not that Arthur would say _pretentious_. Or even _backside_. Merlin would, but then he’d be in the stocks for it, so it was more of a silent blah-blah-blah in his head.

Thankfully, King Lot brought his own manservant. So, Merlin didn’t need to skivvy for him, unlike every other noble that had _graced_ Camelot over the past three years.

Of course, Arthur never had a problem volunteering Merlin’s services, never mind that Merlin was weighed down with a thousand other commitments. The git was always so gleeful about it, too, as if he knew that Merlin would grumble about it later. It could be that Arthur did it deliberately—which, considering Arthur’s tendencies to torment Merlin at every turn, sounded about right.

But this time, Merlin was let off the hook. 

Everyone was talking about the handsome man in Lot’s entourage and Merlin didn’t have a clue about why they were so excited about him. The maids were whispering to each other in the hallways. The head cook moaned about how if only she were younger and handsomer she’d have a go at him.

And it wasn’t just the women. The grooms in the stable were making crude gestures about some Adonis staying in the west wing and what they’d like to do to him. Meanwhile, Merlin was mucking out the horse shit—and Arthur had to know there were stable boys for that, but whatever— and wondering what all the fuss was about.

Even the knights were on their best behaviour, swinging their swords around, flexing their muscles, and grinning like idiots.

It wasn’t until the feast that night that Merlin finally had a look, and holy Triple Goddess, but Lot’s servant was gorgeous. Piercing blue eyes, hair like golden wheat on a summer’s day, a jaw that could crack granite, a perfect mouth with just a hint of wet on his lips, bulging muscles in arms and thighs but not overly so, just enough to hint at how easily he could overcome someone if he wanted to. Tall but not too tall, perfect in pretty much every way possible.

No wonder everyone was lusting after the man. Even Merlin would be, except for one tiny, miniscule, infinitesimal, little problem. 

Merlin was in love with his git of a master, the ever-supercilious arsehole, Arthur Pendragon.

* * *

It was hard to watch people fawning over Ethelbert, the Adonis’s real name, and while Merlin was jealous, a little bit… hell a lot… he shoved it aside because the feeling left him annoyed with himself. It damn well wasn’t Ethelbert’s fault that he was so good-looking, and it also wasn’t his fault that Merlin was so damn scrawny, with a bird’s nest head of black hair and very large and unfortunate-looking ears.

Merlin tried to stay out of the way. Arthur tended to get annoyed with Merlin much more quickly whenever a royal came visiting— which was understandable as Arthur usually tried to make a good impression and Merlin wasn’t always… impressive.

But by the afternoon, while Merlin was pounding away at the mortar and pestle, trying to grind some herbs for poultices to use later, Etherbert came swanning in. Which was unkind. He didn’t really swan in or stomp in or stroll in. The man walked in, normal-like, but Merlin wasn’t feeling all that forgiving as Arthur had just yelled at him for something or other he’d forgotten to do among the hundred things on Arthur’s list. Toad, girl’s petticoat, scrawny, big-eared, tiny, weak, the shouting just went on and on.

So when Mr Perfect-Hair walked in, Merlin sighed, trying not to grind his teeth and growl at the man. Instead, Merlin said, “May I help you?”

“Merlin, I don’t believe we’ve been properly introduced. I am Ethelbert of Lothian. Your master, his Royal Highness King Arthur, has offered your services….”

Merlin gave a little groan. Of course, the dollophead did.

Ethelbert must have heard Merlin’s protest. Colouring a little, a damnably good look on that fair skin, he said, “My apologies. When I heard that you are both manservant to his Majesty and also physician’s assistant, I thought perhaps someone else could guide me around the castle. It can’t be easy, balancing those two things.” He gave a helpless little shrug. “But King Arthur insisted on it. He said you’d be happy to assist in any way and that if you didn’t, there were stocks waiting.”

Rolling his eyes, still pounding away at the herbs, Merlin said, “There are always stocks waiting and next to it, a pile of rotten vegetables with my name on it.” When Ethelbert blinked surprise, Merlin just grimaced. “Although not your problem. Is there any immediate issue or can I finish up with this first?”

“Please, finish up.” Ethelbert settled down on the stool and watched for a moment. “I mostly need to know who to talk to about getting a good breakfast for His Majesty, King Lot, and about baths and such.”

“Well, Mary the cook hates me, but I don’t think you’ll have any problem. I’ll introduce you to some of the other servants. They can be a snobbish bunch at times. I had a lot of problems when I first came here since I wasn’t born to service, but a smile does go a long way.” Merlin finished grinding the herbs and poured them into a container for later use. As he washed up, he said, “Give me a minute and I’ll be done.”

* * *

Sure enough, Mary was all smiles when Ethelbert came into the room and scowled at Merlin, who trailed in after. She tried to shoo Merlin out of the kitchen, even threatened Merlin with a large ladle, but when she realised that Ethelbert was there with Merlin, it was a different story. Merlin had never been treated so well. He knew it wouldn’t last. But again, that wasn’t Ethelbert’s fault.

By the time they had rounded the castle and arranged for everything that Ethelbert would need, Merlin was calling him Bert and they were laughing and telling stories, carefully censored, of course, because while Merlin loved his company, Bert was servant to a rival king.

With some people who had riches or power or beauty, they would lord over everyone else to no end, but Bert was a regular bloke, just trying to do his job. He seemed almost embarrassed about his good looks and that warmed Merlin even more. He hoped that they would always be friends.

* * *

Of course, with Merlin hanging around with Bert, Arthur was even more obnoxious than usual. Every time Merlin smiled at Bert or made some innocent comment about the court or the weather or anything while Arthur was around, the clotpole would narrow his eyes and yell at Merlin, sending him off on ridiculous quests to find strawberries in mid-winter or Arthur’s second-best sword or that book that Arthur had been reading last year. Never mind that Arthur couldn’t remember the title or what it was about, but Merlin got blamed when he couldn’t find it. 

The insults, too, were coming fast and furious. Merlin should have been used to it by now, but for some reason, Arthur was on edge, so he was less reasonable than usual—which wasn’t saying much.

* * *

The whole thing blew up on the fourth day of Lot’s visit.

Merlin was late. Gaius had asked for more herbs to be ground up and he’d had to go to the stores for them, and of course, one of the dried bunches fell down right on top of him. There were leaf bits everywhere including several stuck in his hair, but he finally managed to gather up all the ingredients and make the mixtures Gaius required.

He didn’t have time to clean up, though, not when he was supposed to be attending Arthur at the council meeting with Lot’s entourage that afternoon.

Running as fast as he could, Merlin could hear Arthur shouting down the hallway. “Merlin! Where’s the scrawny idiot got to? Sitting on his little bottom again no doubt, swilling mead in the tavern.”

As Merlin rounded the corner, he could see Arthur waving his arms around at the guards, incensed. “Find him!”

Sliding to a stop right by the open door, the guards ignoring the whole thing now that Merlin was there, Merlin said, “You bellowed, my lord?”

The whole council and Lot’s men including Bert were just inside. They must have heard Arthur shouting for him. It was bad enough when he did it in private or out on patrol with the knights, but in front of strangers from neighbouring kingdoms put Merlin on edge.

It must have been putting Arthur on edge, too. He snarled back, “Use your ears for once. They’re big enough.”

Merlin was always sensitive about his ears and he’d heard the insults often enough that he wasn’t happy about it at all. He started to say, “As is your head, you pompous…,” but then he realised that the whole group could hear him, and it wouldn’t do to insult Arthur in front of them. “I am here now, my lord. Do you require anything?”

Arthur looked him up and down, scowling. Finally, reaching over and plucking out a rosemary stem from Merlin’s hair and dropping it on the floor, he said, “A manservant who doesn’t look like he’s been rolling about in the stable middens.”

“Well, you did tell me to muck out the stalls earlier and I’ve been helping Gaius, too, clotpole.” Merlin might have said it a little louder than he would normally, but he was on his last nerve.

Arthur’s eyes flicked back toward the council chamber and all the men listening in. Flushing a little, Arthur said, in a loud, obnoxious voice, “Merlin! You can’t talk to me like that. If I hear it again, it will be the stocks. The villagers have been saving up their rotten vegetables for just such an occasion. I would hate to disappoint them.” Arthur pointed back down the hallway. “Go, change into something more appropriate. You will be serving at table tonight.” 

As Merlin turned away, fuming, Arthur called out after him, “And learn to curb your tongue before I am forced to do something about it.”

Merlin told him to fuck off, but only in his head. He was in enough trouble as it was.

* * *

It got worse at the feast.

Arthur seemed to be enjoying himself. He laughed a lot, looked at Bert a lot, but pretty much ignored Merlin. He even asked Lot if he’d think about giving up his manservant, if Ethelbert wanted to remain in Camelot. “I’m sure that most of my staff would welcome him. I’d heard nothing but glowing reports about his ability to charm everyone with his bright smile and winning ways. He could teach Merlin a thing or two about grooming.”

Bert looked over to Merlin and shrugged, mouthing ‘sorry’, and then turning back to pour some wine into Lot’s goblet.

Lot said, “Ethelbert is quite happy where he is. My court is better for him there. But I appreciate the thought.” Glancing at Merlin, he said, “I’ve heard that your manservant is extremely loyal to you. Good grooming isn’t everything… although it does make for a more pleasant court.”

Arthur nodded, glancing at Merlin before turning his attention back to Lot. “Do you allow your manservant to train with your knights? His fitness seems a fine balance between over-musculature and a pleasing figure. I do train at times with Merlin, but he’s pretty much hopeless, being too scrawny to hold a shield properly. I’m sure Ethelbert would hold his own in combat.”

“There have been times. He is a very able swordsman as well,” Lot said, raising his glass and nodding toward Ethelbert.

“So good looks, a pleasant manner, and ability to defend himself. You are indeed fortunate.” Arthur raised his glass as well to Ethelbert, smiling at him.

For a moment, Merlin felt the burn of jealousy, actually more like a roaring fire inside his chest that threatened to overwhelm him. Bert was a great bloke, but he’d never feel the sting of insults. He’d never have people look at him with contempt.

When they looked at Merlin, they saw only scruffy hair and pasty skin, huge ears and cheekbones that stuck out too far, making him look half-starved. They only saw lips that were bitten too much because he was always chewing them, a thin neck that could snap easily, gangly body, too long legs, fingers that were often red-tipped with burns.

They didn’t see Merlin as beautiful or even good-looking. They only saw him as weak and gaunt and hideous.

Bert was a beautiful swan, gliding over the clear water, admired by all. Merlin was more of a crow, ordinary, annoying, not even worthy of notice except to be chased out of gardens.

Bert must have realised something was wrong. Sad that he’d only known Merlin a few days and yet could see more clearly than Arthur who had known him for years. Backing up a little, Bert whispered into Merlin’s ear, “Are you okay?”

“Nothing to worry about. Nothing I haven’t heard before,” Merlin whispered back.

“Merlin, attend me,” Arthur said, his voice hard. Then as Merlin leaned down to pour Arthur more wine, Arthur grabbed onto him, pulling him down, and hissing into Merlin’s ear, “Stop flirting and do your job.”

As Arthur let him go, Merlin did not back away. Instead, glaring at him, Merlin muttered, softly enough that only Arthur could hear, “Or what? You’ll sack me again? Or worse tell all your thick friends about how weak and pathetic I am? That you only keep me around for laughs? The ugly crow that never could change into a swan?”

“Merlin, we… we will discuss this later.” Arthur looked upset but it was more likely because he didn’t want to appear weak enough to argue with a mere servant in front of guests.

“You told me once that I was as stupid as I was ugly,” Merlin whispered, remembering that day. Arthur’s words had burrowed in his heart, no matter how much Merlin tried to laugh it off. Stupid and ugly. As he stood back up, he did not keep his voice down. Instead, he said, “You are right, my lord, as you always are. I will remove myself from your presence so that you will not be further embarrassed.” With that, he put down the jug of wine and rushed out of the room.


	2. Chapter 2

Bert found Merlin later in Merlin’s room, staring out the window at the pitiless moon. Gaius was out attending to a patient and Merlin was alone.

Merlin said, “You know, most of the time I don’t mind how I look. There is so much going on that I barely have time to wash, never mind combing my hair or removing stains from my clothes. A face in a mirror isn’t worth looking at, not when I’m running around trying to keep that dollophead from getting killed. Not that he notices but I know. You know?” Merlin didn’t look at Bert just then.

Merlin didn’t want to see Bert’s perfect face or his golden hair turned silver in the moonlight, the well-formed chest or the muscles rippling. Merlin would get over it. It wasn’t Bert’s fault, but Merlin’s for feeling jealous and angry and sad.

Bert put his hand on Merlin’s shoulder, squeezing it a little, then let go. In a soft, understanding voice, Bert said, “Beauty is only skin deep, Merlin. When someone has too much of it, it becomes a burden, even a form of slavery. I can’t escape Lot’s attentions, I can’t escape anyone’s really. I’m constantly on display. Like a thing, not a person.” Merlin looked at him then, surprised. He thought Bert had it so easy but apparently not. Bert nodded as Merlin stared at him. “That you have been treating me like a person has been such a relief.”

Merlin thought about it. He’d never realised that beauty could be a burden, but it made sense. Finally, he said, “I’ve my own issues. I… well, I look in the mirror sometimes and see a gaunt, odd-looking man with huge ears that _everyone_ notices. I try not to listen to them mocking me, but it’s hard.”

Bert nodded. “I noticed that your king does that quite a lot. Does he dismiss you so easily? Or is it more disgust or anger?”

“Sometimes I wonder if he hates me.” Merlin looked down at his hands, then back up to the moon’s clear countenance, trying not to look at Bert’s sympathetic face. “Sometimes, it’s just hard to hear that he thinks I’m ugly. I thought that… well, kings can’t be friends with servants and Arthur… has reminded me of it more than once. When he mocks me, what’s there to do? He’s my master and my king. I could insult him back, but it wouldn’t change how he looks at me.” Merlin shrugged. It was no use fighting it. Arthur’s regard would never change. That was clear enough even for Merlin to accept. “It is what it is.”

From the doorway, Arthur said, “Ethelbert, King Lot is looking for you.”

Bert looked from Merlin to Arthur and back again. “My thanks, Your Highness. I bid you both good night.” He gave Merlin a little hopeful smile, whispering, “Good luck.” Then nodding toward Arthur, he turned away, closing the door behind him.

“I don’t, you know,” Arthur said.

As though that explained everything—which it did not.

“Sire?” Merlin frowned at him, confused. It was almost as if they were having two different conversations and Merlin was lost as to which one Arthur was going on about. Not that he really wanted to have any conversation right about then.

Arthur stepped closer, close enough to touch. “I don’t think you’re ugly. Quite the opposite.”

“Right…?” Merlin was even more confused now. Opposite of what exactly, ugliness or the kind of beauty Bert had? It didn’t make sense, especially coming from the man who told Merlin that he was unworthy every single day. It had to be a joke, cruel even by Arthur’s standards but still, a joke meant to humiliate Merlin. “Okay, so what’s the punchline? Are the knights hiding outside and ready to jump in and yell surprise after I believe you when you say I’m not ugly? No thanks.”

“Merlin, seriously, I think you are handsome, with those blue eyes of yours and… umm soft hair.”

Arthur reached out to touch Merlin’s hair, but Merlin batted his hand away. Scowling, Merlin said, “Did you hit your head again?”

Pulling back, Arthur rolled his eyes. “It’s a compliment, you idiot.”

Merlin didn’t believe him. In fact, he still had no idea what Arthur was doing, but even Arthur couldn’t be this mean-spirited. Finally, Merlin shrugged off the confusion. “Well, don’t worry about sparing my feelings. I’m used to the way I look. Just skinny, ugly Merlin with big ears and two left feet to trip over things. It is what it is.”

Arthur looked like he’d swallowed a lemon, his mouth pursed in distaste. “Is that really what you think? That you are ugly?”

“You’ve told me so often enough.” Merlin said, staring at Arthur, daring him to lie to Merlin to his face.

“Merlin, it’s… complicated.” Arthur turned away, running his fingers through his hair, a clear sign of frustration. When he faced Merlin again, he let out a little sigh. “You drive me crazy, you know. So close and yet I have no idea what is going on in that head of yours.”

“I’ve told you enough times. I’m an open book,” Merlin said. Not that it was true, what with his magic and the love he had for his clotpole, but Arthur didn’t need to know that.

Arthur gave him a look of disbelief. “Honestly, Merlin, an open book? You deflect all the time. Did you think I wouldn’t check up on all those tavern trips? Or going out to the forest for herbs.” 

Merlin sputtered. There was no way to explain his disappearances that wouldn’t include magic. But as Merlin tried to think up more lies, Arthur said, “Are you seeing someone?”

Merlin couldn’t wrap his head around it. “What?”

“Seeing someone, as in courting or is it merely a physical relationship?” Arthur watched him carefully, then said, “Or maybe, you and Bert? You’ve been in his company almost constantly since he arrived.”

“Because you assigned me to. Although Bert is a pretty nice guy under that gorgeous exterior.” Merlin sent Arthur a glare. “I don’t have anyone. I’m too busy skivvying after you to catch a breath, never mind have a lover.”

Arthur seemed pleased at that. “And yet you go off into the forest a lot.”

“To gather herbs, you arse. Have you any idea how hard it is to find some?” Merlin said, shaking his head. “I’m not seeing anyone. And even if I wanted to be with someone, it’s just not… no one wants me anyway, so why even try?”

“Are you sure no one wants you?” Arthur was being remarkably obtuse about things. Merlin would know if anyone did. He’d seen lovers sharing looks often enough to know the signs.

“Arthur, I’m sure. As I’ve said, I’m ugly and no one wants someone who looks like me. They want someone like Bert with perfect physique and golden hair, not a gawky, big-eared, black-haired nobody from nowhere. You certainly wouldn’t.” It hurt to say it, but Merlin was tired of… well, everything. “Are we done here, or did you need something else, my lord?”

“The court is an odd thing. Coming from Ealdor, you wouldn’t see the layers, how insults can protect as well as hurt. How society perceives status, what is allowed and what is not.” Arthur was watching Merlin carefully, but Merlin had no idea what he was going on about.

“So insulting me is complimenting me? That doesn’t make sense,” Merlin said. 

“As my manservant, you have a lot of leeway. Often you act as my fool—that’s not an insult, Merlin but rather a position at court. So you get away with insulting me that a regular servant would not.” Arthur stopped, thinking hard if his scowl was any indication. “But even a fool can be harmed if those at court think he’s gone too far or if the king shows too much affection.”

Merlin just blinked at him. “What?”

“My court would not take it well if they knew… my regard for you.” Arthur moved closer, putting his hand on Merlin’s shoulder. “Hence my insults.” When Merlin didn’t move away, his heart starting to race at the warmth seeping into his skin at Arthur’s touch, Arthur said, “I never thought you were ugly, Merlin. Ever. I… quite like your ears.”

Arthur’s hand hadn’t moved away, one finger following the edge of Merlin’s ear, while his thumb traced the curve of Merlin’s cheek.

Merlin didn’t know what Arthur was thinking, but he wasn’t about to move, not with Arthur’s hand burning against his skin. Instead, he could feel himself heating up, the ache to push into Arthur’s arms almost overwhelming.

When Merlin didn’t shove him away, melting a little, Arthur seemed to relax, then pressing forward, brushed his lips across Merlin’s. It was a chaste questioning touch, but Merlin wasn’t going to back away, not when Arthur was finally kissing him.

Merlin surged forward, deepening the kiss, eager now for a taste of Arthur. Arthur froze for a moment, then started to use his tongue to trace Merlin’s lips before diving in.

Arthur’s hands came up to grab Merlin’s face, keeping him steady as he plundered Merlin’s mouth. It was brilliant. Arthur wasn’t as experienced as Merlin would have expected, but he didn’t care. It was Arthur, it was love, it was amazing.

Reaching out, pulling Arthur’s tunic away from his skin, Merlin shoved his hands underneath the cloth, exploring that beloved skin. Arthur gave a little ‘oh’ but didn’t object, instead closing the gap between them.

It was fantastic. Merlin’s fingers were busy following the lines of muscle, his one thumb circling Arthur’s nipple, his other hand curving around Arthur’s arse and grabbing it there, his fingernails digging in a little, mixing a bit of sensation with pleasure.

Arthur let go then, pulling off Merlin’s neckerchief, sucking on the soft skin on the side of his neck, his other hand starting to shove his tunic up, then bending down to lick at Merlin’s chest.

Merlin whispered against Arthur’s skin, “Oh, there, just there.” And Arthur bit down on Merlin’s skin, before laving him with his tongue to soothe the reddened flesh.

Pulling back, Arthur looked into Merlin’s eyes, “If we do this, I’m not one for a single night’s pleasure. Just so you know.”

Merlin breathed out, “I’ll hold you to it.” His hand was still down Arthur’s trousers, cupping the meat of his arse, his fingers playing with the sensitive skin next to Arthur’s entrance. “But are you sure?”

Arthur grunted, shoving his arse back into Merlin’s hands. “I’ve wanted you for years now.”

Grinning, Merlin gave Arthur another long kiss, then pushed him down onto Merlin’s narrow bed. “I can see that.” Glancing down at Arthur’s clear excitement, Merlin said, “And I’ve wanted you… for a long time.”

When Arthur grinned at that, Merlin began to undress Arthur, his boots, his still stinky socks, Merlin’s thumb caressing the bones on his feet as he watched Arthur’s reaction. Then trousers and braies, Arthur’s cock hard and leaking as Merlin moved up, his fingers playing with the hairs on Arthur’s legs, the soft skin of his inner thighs. His tongue followed his fingers as Arthur said, “Oh, Merlin, just get on with it.”

But Merlin wasn’t getting on with it, not when he’d finally got Arthur in his bed and in his heart. Ignoring Arthur’s cock, instead he smoothed his fingers across the sensitive skin of Arthur’s belly, then pushed up his tunic, and watched his reaction as he laid Arthur bare. He was a feast of golden skin, with a history of scars that Merlin kissed and touched and worshipped, listening to Arthur groan when he hit a sensitive spot and memorizing the knowledge for later.

Even as Merlin was busy, Arthur was playing with Merlin’s hair, babbling something about the colour of a raven’s wing.

At that, Merlin looked up, ignoring Arthur protest. “Ravens are black, dull, ordinary. Like crows, only bigger.”

“There is nothing ordinary about you.” Arthur grabbed onto Merlin’s hair, pulling him up until they were almost nose to nose. “Have you looked at a crow’s feather or a raven’s? They are iridescent, colours hiding in the black, yes, but still, in the sunlight, every colour is there.”

“We can talk about feathers or I can find out just how much pleasure you can take in a single night. Your choice, dollophead.” Merlin smiled as Arthur let him go.

“No feathers but you are still not naked and I am. We should do something about that.” Arthur turned on his side, sitting up a bit, leaning on his elbow. “Hop to it.”

At that, Merlin turned shy. He was nothing like Arthur, with muscles and fit and gorgeous, just a gangly awkward man with too many scars and not enough to offer.

“It’s cold. I’ll be shivering if I take them all off,” Merlin said, biting his lip, hoping that Arthur would accept it.

Nodding, Arthur got up, then rummaging through Merlin’s cupboard, he found a blanket and threw it over himself. “I was getting a bit chilled, too. But now you’ve no excuse not to let me see you. Come here, Merlin.” Arthur sat back down again, lifting his arm as if to envelope Merlin in a hug.

But Merlin had other things in mind. Sinking to his knees, he leaned in, brushing his mouth over Arthur’s cock, then leaned back. “I’ve learned to walk on my knees, my lord. Shall I show you how it’s done?”

Arthur’s eyes were huge, his face flushed. Nodding, he said, “Are you trying to kill me?”

“Perhaps,” Merlin said, grinning. “Let me know if it’s working.” Then he opened his mouth and began to drive Arthur wild, his tongue licking at the slit, then opening his throat and swallowing Arthur’s cock whole.

Bobbing up and down, as he listened to Arthur’s breathing, the way he kept moaning Merlin’s name, Merlin sped up or slowed down, trying to draw out the pleasure as much as he could. His fingers, too, were busy, exploring the soft skin of his bollocks, the sensitive area near his entrance. It was more difficult with Arthur sitting there, but he leaned back, opening his legs to give Merlin access, and finally, he must have wanted more because he tumbled backwards onto the bed and lifted his hips a little so that Merlin could push his fingers into that dark space.

Merlin didn’t want to hurt Arthur, though. Letting him go for a moment, he reached over to find the small vial of oil he used on himself whenever loneliness and neediness became unbearable.

Coating his fingers, as Arthur watched and nodded with eager eyes and hard breathing, Merlin smiled, then took Arthur into his mouth again. His fingers pushed into Arthur’s entrance, and in the next instant, Arthur was moaning.

Merlin could tell that Arthur was trying to be careful not to hurt Merlin, because at first his hands had been grabbing onto the bed, but now his fingers were tangled in Merlin’s hair, pulling at the strands. There was a solid yank, Arthur pushing Merlin down and down, forcing his cock deep into Merlin’s throat, so much so that Merlin couldn’t breathe. As Merlin struggled, Arthur finally let go.

But Merlin didn’t pull off, just backed up enough for air, before going down on Arthur again as he opened his throat and hummed a little. His finger, too, thrust into Arthur’s body, finding that perfect nub and rubbing against it.

It was enough.

“Oh, gods, Merlin, I’m… oh, gods… oh…,” Arthur shouted, his eyes rolling back in his head, his face pained in ecstasy.

Merlin pulled back, catching the last of Arthur’s release in his mouth. Bitter, brilliant, the taste of Arthur on his tongue as he swallowed it down.

Sitting back, looking at Arthur in the aftermath of his ecstasy, knowing that he had done that, Merlin smiled. It was something he’d never forget. Although Arthur had said it wasn’t just one night’s pleasure, he was king after all and Merlin a lowly servant. The court might not allow it, and Arthur might see it differently in the light of day. But for now, it was enough.

Laying there, blinking as if relaxed enough to sleep, Arthur hummed. “Where did you learn to do that? It was….” Arthur reached over, brushing his fingers across Merlin’s lips. “Give me a minute or two and I’ll return the favour.”

“No need, I’m fine.” Wiping his mouth, Merlin stood up. His trousers still tight, Merlin hadn’t come. Even now it was a siren song in his gut, but Arthur would certainly want to make love to someone better than Merlin.

“Merlin, no. I can see you thinking from here.” Arthur sat up, gathering the blanket around him. “It’s not a one-off. It’s not even over, not with you unsatisfied. Did you think I’d use you for my pleasure and not return it?” Arthur nodded down toward Merlin’s groin. “Merlin?”

“Arthur, you deserve better than someone who looks like me. I’m good at some things but….”

“No, stop right now. I will not have it.” Arthur stood up, reaching for Merlin and shaking him a bit before letting go. “Do you not want me?”

“I’ll always want you, but I might not be the one for you, my lord,” Merlin said, probably sounding as miserable as he felt.

“Says the man who claims to have saved me more times than he can count.” Arthur stood there, hands on hips, naked and gorgeous.

Merlin tried to deflect his own longing. “So, you were listening.”

“I listen more than you think. And I tell you now, Merlin, that you will always be beautiful to me, that I will always want you, too.” Arthur stared at him, though, as if thinking something through. “If you don’t want me that way, I’ll understand but I’d wish to have this one night at least. Can you give it to me?”

Nodding, Merlin said, “Anything for you, Arthur.”

Arthur’s face turned hungry. “Then I’d like you to take me, if this is all we’ll ever have. I want you to take me.”

“But I thought you’d be the one to…” Merlin stopped, then said, smiling and shy, “If you want, I’ve had some practice with… Gaius has a… maybe I shouldn’t mention Gaius while you… are standing there all naked.”

“Well, if you were naked, too, it might be better for both of us. And yes, Gaius can stay well out of it, thank you very much.” Arthur shook off the blanket, then reached out and began to undress Merlin.

Merlin shivered as Arthur worked, watching him pull off Merlin’s boots, tugging his trousers and braies and tunic off. When he was done, Merlin stood there, skin pebbled in the cold, all his scars on clear display. He had so many more than Arthur and he was afraid that Arthur would ask him about them, but all Arthur did was kiss the burn over Merlin’s left nipple, and reach down, cupping Merlin’s cock in his hand.

It was so much better than using his own hand to bring himself off. The callouses on Arthur’s fingers, the way he’d curve his hand around Merlin and pull, not quite hard, but not gently either, was brilliant. Merlin couldn’t help himself. He groaned, then pushed up against Arthur’s grip.

Arthur leaned in, biting Merlin’s earlobe, then whispering, “Like that, do you?” When Merlin nodded, Arthur did it again.

Then Arthur kissed Merlin, more forcefully than before, as if secure in what he was doing. Merlin was thrilled about it. He liked the idea of Arthur holding him down, he’d often dreamed of it, but he wanted to hold Arthur down, too, make him beg, like he had just a few minutes ago. In fact, Merlin could grow addicted to Arthur’s voice calling out his name in ecstasy. But he doubted that would ever happen again after tonight.

As Arthur kissed and nipped and sucked on Merlin’s neck, he whispered into Merlin’s skin, “We could have me on all fours, but I want to see you. I want to see you lose yourself in my body. Do you think you can, Merlin?”

Merlin just nodded.

With that, Arthur gave a little sigh, then climbed up on Merlin’s bed, opening his legs wide. A vial of oil was in Arthur’s hand. “Come here.”

The bed was small enough that Merlin nudged Arthur over, then sat on the side of the bed. Arthur gave a little huff, then took Merlin’s hand and guided it to Arthur’s entrance, and once one fingertip was inside, Arthur reached up and pulled Merlin into a long kiss. Arthur’s other hand curled around Merlin’s cock, his thumb smearing the liquid there.

Merlin had longed for it, and a frission of pleasure shot into his groin, hardening him almost painfully. As Arthur demanded his mouth, his fingers slipped further into Arthur and soon it was a push and pull, almost a war of who could make the other groan the loudest, who would grab and take and give. Arthur’s cock was leaking, and Merlin’s was growing so hard he thought he might die of it.

Finally, Arthur whispered against his mouth, “Come on, Merlin, come on. I’m more than ready. Get on with it, you… oh…” Then he gave a little groan, his hips circling up, chasing after Merlin’s fingers.

Almost afraid that he’d not measure up, still if Arthur wanted him that badly, Merlin would do whatever it took to satisfy him.

Pulling out his fingers, letting Arthur’s hand fall away from Merlin’s cock, he climbed up onto the bed, and lining his cock to Arthur’s entrance, he pushed his way in, slowly at first, then as Arthur groaned again, shoved in hard.

Arthur’s eyes flew open. The blue of his eyes was almost gone, his mouth wet from kissing Merlin, but even as he panted, he watched Merlin pull out a little and shove back in. Lifting his hips a little, it must have changed the angle enough that Arthur’s face transformed into a kind of agony or ecstasy. But he never stopped watching Merlin.

Merlin was having a hard time, losing himself in the heat and pressure of Arthur surrounding him. The pleasure, pain, pleasure of it was spiralling up, the bliss of it blossoming across his skin even as Arthur’s fingers were mapping Merlin’s chest and Arthur’s other hand curling around his own cock.

Batting Arthur’s hand away, Merlin skimmed his thumb across Arthur’s cockhead, then curling around it, applying pressure, feeling Arthur growing harder still.

But it was hard to concentrate because Merlin was losing himself in the joy of it, a universe of light shooting through his spine and chest and heart, turning the heat of it all into a lightning strike of pleasure that seemed to fry his very being into something unimaginably brilliant.

The white seemed to last an eternity but when he came back into himself, he was crushing Arthur and there was a mess between them, hot and sticky and wonderful.

Merlin slipped out of Arthur, mourning the loss of it, but Arthur was smiling at him, somewhat loopy-looking as if he’d drunk mead enough for them both. As Merlin started to slip away, Arthur’s arm tightened around him. “Don’t go.”

Shaking his head, Merlin said, “It will get pretty disgusting if I don’t clean us both up.”

Giving a little huff, Arthur said, “I don’t care, Merlin. Besides, I have a manservant who can clean it up later.”

Scowling at him, Merlin grumbled but didn’t move. Truth be told, he loved Arthur’s arms around him, sticky or otherwise. So instead, he laid his head back down on Arthur’s chest and listened to his heart. And dosed.

* * *

When he woke up, it couldn’t have been much later. Merlin was clean, a blanket over his still-naked body. Arthur was sitting there, clothed, looking incredibly smug. Merlin could have mocked Arthur’s mussed hair, but he was still feeling content, so he let it be.

“I have to get back to my chambers. Lot is leaving tomorrow, and people might talk if I stayed here overnight. Plus your bed is very uncomfortable. And small. We’ll have to remedy that, I think.” Arthur nodded to himself. He was being ridiculous, of course. People would talk if Arthur gave Merlin a new, larger bed.

But before Merlin could point that out, Arthur said, “Listen, I know you are going to try to be self-sacrificing. You are going to be an idiot about it because I know you, but let me just tell you straight out. I want more, Merlin. I want you now and always. I won’t force you. I know you think you have no value, but you are valuable to me. Gods help me, I even think your clumsiness endearing.”

Merlin had never heard Arthur talk this way before. “I want you, too, but it feels like a dream. I’m afraid I’ll wake up.”

“If it’s a dream, I hope neither of us will wake. But until then, duty calls.” Arthur leaned over and gave Merlin a final kiss. “Don’t be late. King Lot leaves at first light.”

* * *

Merlin wasn’t late. Still glowing with happiness, Bert must have seen that things were better between Merlin and Arthur. He came over and said, “You see, beauty is indeed in the eye of the beholder. I hope that someday, you’ll realise just how lovely you are, Merlin. Until then, keep an eye on your king. He looks the sort who gets into trouble just by breathing.”

Nodding, Merlin said, “Pretty much. And thank you for everything. I hope someday you find someone who will see past the outward shell and into your heart.”

“Well, you’ve proven it possible, so there’s always hope. Good-bye, my friend.” Bert thrust out one hand and Merlin clasped it, pulling Bert into a hug and then letting him go.

As he watched Lot’s entourage ride out, Bert turned back a second and waved and then was lost in the dust of travel.

Merlin stood there a long time watching the last of them disappear over the hill.

Arthur came up to Merlin and said, “Cheer up, Merlin.” Then Arthur gave Merlin a little punch in the arm.

“Ow,” Merlin said, rubbing at the spot. “Didn’t we talk about this? Punching me in the arm does not make me feel better.”

Nodding, looking at Merlin with a bit of speculation in his eyes, Arthur said, “What would?”

“A day off,” Merlin said automatically. He would never turn down a day off. A lie in and no rescuing Arthur for a change sounded lovely. But that was always his reply, mainly because he never got one unless he was deathly ill and then it wasn’t much fun.

Arthur looked at him as if he had lost his mind or maybe thought Merlin would have a different type of request. Finally, Arthur shrugged. “You can have the day off after you muck out the stables, sharpen my sword, do my laundry, make my bed. And that’s before lunch.”

“That doesn’t sound like a day off, you arse.” Merlin narrowed his eyes. “You haven’t had breakfast yet, have you?”

“No… although I could have you for breakfast.” Arthur murmured, giving Merlin a knowing smile. Arthur had said that kind of thing before, but this time, it was layered in meaning.

“Or I could have you,” Merlin pointed out, whispering so softly that only Arthur could hear him.

Arthur looked delighted at the prospect. Slapping Merlin on the back, making him stumble a bit, Arthur said, “You’ll still have to sharpen my sword after.”

Trying not to grin, Merlin said, “It may be a bit soft after.”

“I look forward to it.” Arthur shook his head, rolling his eyes a bit.

“So do I.” Merlin smiled at Arthur, then followed him back inside.

It was an ordinary day, full of chores and herb-collecting and running around saving Arthur from whatever peril cropped up, but it was also the best of days. Because for the first time in a long time, Merlin felt loved. And that was all that counted really, not good looks or status or anything else.

Just love.

**Author's Note:**

>  **Disclaimer:** Merlin characters are the property of Shine and BBC. No profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.


End file.
